Why Therapy Can Feel So Awkward at First (And Why That’s Completely Normal)
Understanding early discomfort, resistance, and the importance of finding the right fit
If you’ve ever walked into your first therapy session and thought:
“Why do I feel so uncomfortable right now?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Am I doing this wrong?”
“This feels awkward… is therapy even for me?”
You’re not alone.
At Mindful Insights Psychotherapy, we hear this from new clients all the time, often with a mix of embarrassment, self-doubt, and quiet worry that the discomfort means therapy “isn’t working.”
In reality, awkwardness at the beginning of therapy is not a sign of failure. It’s often a sign that something unfamiliar and potentially meaningful is starting.
Let’s talk about why therapy can feel so uncomfortable at first, what that discomfort actually means, and how to tell the difference between normal growing pains and a therapist-client fit that may not be right for you.
Why the First Sessions Can Feel Uncomfortable
1. You’re Doing Something Most People Were Never Taught How to Do
Most of us weren’t raised learning how to:
talk openly about emotions
reflect out loud
sit with silence
name needs without apologizing
explore our inner world with another person present
So when therapy asks you to do exactly that, your nervous system may respond with uncertainty or tension.
That awkward feeling isn’t weakness, it’s unfamiliarity.
Your brain is learning a new way of relating.
2. Your Nervous System Is Still Assessing Safety
From a trauma-informed perspective, the early stages of therapy are not about “opening up” they’re about assessing safety.
Your nervous system is quietly asking:
Is this person safe?
Will I be judged?
What happens if I say the wrong thing?
Is it okay to pause, cry, or not know what to say?
Even if you want therapy, your body may still be cautious. That can show up as:
blank stares
nervous laughter
forgetting what you wanted to say
over-explaining
minimizing your struggles
feeling emotionally shut down
This isn’t resistance in a negative sense, it’s protection doing its job.
You may also resonate with:
👉 When Self-Awareness Becomes Self-Criticism
3. Silence Can Feel Louder Than Words
Many new clients worry when there’s a pause in session.
They think:
“I should be saying something.”
“They’re waiting for me.”
“This is so awkward.”
But silence in therapy isn’t a test.
It’s often where your system is slowing down enough to notice what’s underneath the surface. For people who learned to stay busy, helpful, or composed to feel safe, stillness can feel deeply uncomfortable.
Awkwardness often shows up right before deeper awareness does.
4. Talking About Yourself Can Feel Exposing / Even If You Want Help
Even when therapy is your choice, being seen can feel vulnerable.
You may notice:
discomfort naming emotions
fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
worry about being misunderstood
shame about things you’ve never said out loud
These reactions are especially common for people who grew up:
being emotionally dismissed
needing to stay strong
caring for others before themselves
learning that vulnerability wasn’t safe
The awkwardness isn’t a sign you shouldn’t be there, it’s often a sign you’re touching something that matters.
When Awkwardness Is Normal And When It Might Be About Fit
This part matters.
Awkwardness Can Be Normal When:
you feel nervous but still somewhat curious
the discomfort softens gradually over time
you feel respected, even if unsure
you can imagine things becoming easier with safety
the therapist feels open to your questions or uncertainty
Awkwardness Might Signal a Fit Issue When:
you feel consistently judged or dismissed
you don’t feel emotionally safe after multiple sessions
your concerns are repeatedly minimized
the therapist’s style doesn’t align with what you need
you don’t feel comfortable naming confusion or discomfort
Not every therapist will be the right fit and that’s not a failure on either side.
You may also find this helpful:
👉 When Therapy Doesn’t “Click”
At Mindful Insights Psychotherapy, we encourage clients to trust their experience. Therapy works best when the relationship feels safe enough to be honest — including honest about what isn’t working.
Why Resistance Doesn’t Mean You’re “Not Ready”
Many people interpret hesitation or discomfort as:
“Maybe I’m not ready for therapy.”
More often, resistance means:
your nervous system is protecting something tender
you’re approaching unfamiliar emotional territory
parts of you are unsure if it’s safe to be seen
Resistance isn’t something to push through aggressively.
In ethical therapy, it’s something to listen to.
How Therapy Grows More Comfortable Over Time
As safety builds, many clients notice:
conversations flow more naturally
silence feels less threatening
emotions become easier to name
trust develops at a manageable pace
sessions feel less performative and more real
Not because therapy becomes easy, but because you no longer have to brace as much.
Therapy isn’t about being articulate, insightful, or “good at it.”
It’s about being human in a space that can hold that.
A Reassuring Reminder for New or Hesitant Clients
If therapy feels awkward right now:
you’re not doing it wrong
you’re not broken
you don’t need to force vulnerability
you’re allowed to take your time
you’re allowed to ask questions
you’re allowed to notice how the relationship feels
At Mindful Insights Psychotherapy, we believe therapy is a collaborative process, one that respects your pace, your boundaries, and your lived experience.
Awkwardness doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working.
Often, it means something new is beginning.
And new things rarely feel smooth at first.
